Monday, December 18, 2006

Happily Tired

I'm still doozy from a marked lack of sleep. I surprised myself by not sleeping for a recent personal record of 34 hours; I was kept happily busy entertaining the people or making sure everything else was in order. (Thirty four hours is measly compared to what others can do, but it's a good record for me because I've been sleeping almost nine hours daily in the recent months.) I hope they had fun, even if it wasn't really the grandest of all homes or celebrations. Now, I'm happily tired.

I should also give myself a good-sized knock on the head for driving my mom to the mall to shop for gifts today; I was still a bit sleepy so it would have been dangerous for a bit, but all the pesky drivers and pedestrians woke me up enough to engage in a bit of a road rage. I'm past my teens already, but I still take risks. What the hell. The rewards were greater this time. I also believe I still possess enough sense to know when I can or cannot drive.

Friday, December 1, 2006

Nearing The End

Death always makes its presence known in my life. Not particularly being morbid though, as it isn't the physical death that many fear. So many characters, so many things, so many relationships, so many feelings and so many experiences die as I journey through.

I should be grateful that I find myself renewed eventually because something in my life meets its end and is replaced by something new or better. It's just that I'm probably too young to know that I should cherish such new beginnings or numerous second chances.

It's the end of yet another year, nearly the end of another chapter in my life. I'm so terribly unsure, increasingly pessimistic, and greatly confused. I'm probably young and jaded (or probably just more subdued with age) that I'm quietly letting all the new things come to me, instead of fiercely meeting them head on as I did before. I'm afraid that I might have lost courage in reaching out, choosing to remain in my comfort zone, that I might forget to live. Is this a quarter life crisis, early on?

It seems that what the world sees is at odds with what my soul sees.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Hello and Goodbye

I felt your hand brush over my forehead and I was jolted awake. 

It was half past three and I suddenly realized you were saying goodbye.

I did not cry and I did not scream, for I somehow knew all along that you were going to a better place, where there would be no more pain.

I cherish all of the memories I have of you. 

I remember how you cooked my favorite ginataan when we were moving to a new home. You made sure that Sunday lunches included my favorite alimasag, no matter how difficult to procure. I remember the best hunger-busting stews you made; nothing can ever compare to your kare-kare, mole, batchoy, and molo soup.

I can still smell the Jean Naté and White Flower you so frequently used. I laugh now as I remember my young eyes widen at the sight of your precious bottles of perfume all lined up like beautiful glass sculptures in your bath.

The most precious memories that I have of you was when you would indulge my love of roses--showing me your rosary of rose petals and rose wood, and gifting me with tea roses and rose shrubs. 

I do not know if you were aware that as you were leaving this world, I had annointed your forehead and hands with rose oil. I do know that you recognized my voice when I was whispering to your ear for the last time. We gave the nurse quite a surprise, didn't we?

Has he taken you to your second honeymoon now? :)

I love you, and I will miss you. Thank you for being part of my life.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

One Day I'll Fly Away

Let me fly to the moon and bask in the glory of nothingness.
For the soul seeks solitude, and the heart wishes to be free.

And then let me fall back to the arms of the earth
Serene, sated, and wholly soothed.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I Prefer the Rain

I've just prefer the cacophony of rain, thunder, and lightning over bright and dry sunshine. Storms bring out the best in Mother Nature, methinks; she puts on quite a good show when she's brewing something. I love it when the rain patters down onto the earth, nourishing the parched flora while the wind howls and lashes all around. There is a sort of primal beauty in such weather.

Call me weird, or impractical. Sure, rainy season has its downsides. The streets get flooded, commuters get wet, power may sometimes go out, and so on. I hazard, though, that rain is better than heat waves that leave you weak with dehydration or sticky with sweat. The ultra-warm weather may be cause for a myriad of fun activities like cooling off by bodies of water in bikinis, or having iced desserts. Steaming coffee or warm cocoa or hot soup can beat that too, as well as staying indoors and curling up with a good book amidst cool sheets of your bed, with warm fluffy stuff around you.

Too bad the rains have stopped again. And that classes resume tomorrow.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Renovation c/o Mama

My home is currently undergoing renovation (again) this summer; reroofing, replacing the gutter and moldy plywood, repainting, rewiring, extra masonry, and all the work that needs to be done on the 30+ year old structure. The house is looking better slowly and surely, as it makes its transition from am ugly abode to a real home.

The room that is assigned to me is the center of attention now, being the receiving end of the most work for the time being. (Though I sincerely wish the work would be finished soon as my room is crying out for some good cleaning, and I can't sleep well with the fumes of paint, stripper, thinner, and drying cement constantly wafting all over me.) The workers are currently painting every available surface in the neutral palette of my choice: brown, tan, mocha, cream, sand, beige, and off-white. It's rather boring, truth be told, but I can actually spice up the room with a variety of colors and themes now, compared to when I was awarded a powder blue room some years before. I wanted to adapt the look of the Lirean palaces, but that would entail much back-breaking labor, and I didn't have the heart to force the workers to do such.

This is all thanks to Mama. It's mother's day, it's her day. It's the day of all the women who stood as my surrogate mothers. Cheers to the most beautiful and most wonderful creations in the world: mothers.