Monday, December 18, 2006

Happily Tired

I'm still doozy from a marked lack of sleep. I surprised myself by not sleeping for a recent personal record of 34 hours; I was kept happily busy entertaining the people or making sure everything else was in order. (Thirty four hours is measly compared to what others can do, but it's a good record for me because I've been sleeping almost nine hours daily in the recent months.) I hope they had fun, even if it wasn't really the grandest of all homes or celebrations. Now, I'm happily tired.

I should also give myself a good-sized knock on the head for driving my mom to the mall to shop for gifts today; I was still a bit sleepy so it would have been dangerous for a bit, but all the pesky drivers and pedestrians woke me up enough to engage in a bit of a road rage. I'm past my teens already, but I still take risks. What the hell. The rewards were greater this time. I also believe I still possess enough sense to know when I can or cannot drive.

Friday, December 1, 2006

Nearing The End

Death always makes its presence known in my life. Not particularly being morbid though, as it isn't the physical death that many fear. So many characters, so many things, so many relationships, so many feelings and so many experiences die as I journey through.

I should be grateful that I find myself renewed eventually because something in my life meets its end and is replaced by something new or better. It's just that I'm probably too young to know that I should cherish such new beginnings or numerous second chances.

It's the end of yet another year, nearly the end of another chapter in my life. I'm so terribly unsure, increasingly pessimistic, and greatly confused. I'm probably young and jaded (or probably just more subdued with age) that I'm quietly letting all the new things come to me, instead of fiercely meeting them head on as I did before. I'm afraid that I might have lost courage in reaching out, choosing to remain in my comfort zone, that I might forget to live. Is this a quarter life crisis, early on?

It seems that what the world sees is at odds with what my soul sees.